wrestling with angels

you shall no longer be spoken of as Jacob, but as Israel, because you have contended with divine and human beings and have prevailed. - genesis 32:29

happy & hopeful first saturday of advent! the jesse tree says today is jacob's day. as a kid i was always fascinated with the story of a man engaged in hand-to-hand combat with an angel. as an adult, well, i still get a kick out of the the hand-to-hand combat, but now i also appreciate its symbolic nature and Jacob's struggles that lead up to that dramatic climax.

i've taken a little hiatus in order to take care of things, including, but not limited to getting engaged, having a wonderful son, building a life, and all the fun stuff in between.

heavy blessing or blessed burden?

of course, i say "fun" in the way roller coasters are fun...or maybe more like cliff diving...or deep water scuba diving - that is, if i survive it, it is daily becoming the greatest, most transforming experience in my life.

over the last year, we've had to make many major life decisions. we have been surrounded by family and friends, who have never failed to offer their valuable counsel and advice. the toughest part in making decisions has never been good versus evil, good versus bad (how easy would that have been?). it's always been good versus good. not that every good idea out there was right, but they were always drawing from the same intention and desire: love. whether it was love for us, love for each other, or love for our son.

so the biggest challenge for me - and for us - is trying to make the wise decision, and it has not been easy. have we been successful? i have no idea, but we see fruits of our trials everyday. so i like to think that if we didn't make the very wisest decision, we came as close as we could, and, at the very least, it was always based on love.


"jacob & the angel", marc chagall

ready to start a new chapter in life

tuesday, march 17, 2009, on the feast day of st. patrick, on the grounds of the crescent hill reservoir in louisville, kentucky, robert l. falk asked me to marry him, and i said yes.

he completely took me by surprise. we certainly talked about marriage, sooner than later. he had already talked to my parents back in february. we had occasional theoretical conversations about what would a ring look like, sizes and so on, but he picked the time, place and the ring all by himself.

he knew people expected him to make some grand gesture at one of his shows and he knew i would see it coming a mile away. he knew the best way to surprise me was to do it in any way other than that, and to do it in such a way that was meaningful to both of us.

so, after work on tuesday, march 17, he wanted to go for a walk at the reservoir. we walked the path around the reservoir itself, but it was extremely busy with joggers and children racing in circles. we took off from the reservoir path proper and walked on the tree-lined path around the open field and the grassy plots between the swimming pool and the quiet golf course. we paused together in the serene moment, and that was when he pulled out the cherry wood box and presented the ring. with the ring, i accepted him and us and all our life together ahead of us.

Good question!

I've been tagged and am now tagging you! Copy and paste these questions on your own 'note', replacing my answers with yours, then tag 25 people to do the same thing. Remember to tag me back so I can see your answers!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No. Though I noticed that I was born on the feast day of St. Anthony Mary Claret, my mom said that had nothing to do with my name (Anne Marie)

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Uh...last week watching Grey's Anatomy. For some reason lately I cannot get through one episode without tearing up. It's pretty pathetic.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I do. It is a far cry from childhood when I was getting C's in handwriting in elementary school.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? lately honey-baked ham.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? No

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Totally. I'm awesome (ha!)

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Often...but it usually comes off wrong and all serious and stuff. I don't think people expect it from me.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? yes...I think.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Special K with strawberries

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Peach or strawberry or black cherry, especially from Graeter's Ice Cream.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? How they interact with other people (me or otherwise)

15. RED OR PINK? Red

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I can be very stubborn and self-righteous, especially when it does not serve my best interests. (e.g.: don't tell me how to train; i'm a marathon runner!). yeah, stupid i know.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? my bro' and his family; my world travelin' parents.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? No

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Jeans, and red suede shoes (yeah!)

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The sound of silence...and my dog chewing on rawhide.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Burnt sienna

23. FAVORITE SMELL? It always comes back to roses.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? B

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Absolutely

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? If i have to watch, soccer. Though ice hockey kinda rocks, too.

27. HAIR COLOR? Black

28. EYE COLOR? Brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes, but I wear glasses, too..

30. FAVORITE FOOD? I've been craving Indian, lately.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Scary movies with happy endings?

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Coraline (in theatres now!)

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Orange

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer. Me n' winter are not on very good terms right now.

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Both

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Ice cream (see #13)

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? um, don't know

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? dunno

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Out of Egypt, Anne Rice

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? No pad at home, but at work "Lawlogix".

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Nothing, I watched a Valentine show at the Rud.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? Natural silence, with the occasional chirping bird.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? ooh...Beatles...then Rolling Stones.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Philippines.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Yes

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? In a hospital

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? None, really.

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? On MySpace...then in person at one of his shows in November.

49. IS THE CUP HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? Half full.

50. IF YOU COULD SIT DOWN TO DINNER WITH FIVE PEOPLE WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
who to choose...i'll go with dead folks because it's less controversial. Albert Einstein, Victor Hugo, Dorothy Day, Winston Churchill...ummmm....and Jesus. Yeah...somewhat random but potentially riveting i think.

smart commercial: pro-life, pro-family, pro-president

it's no secret, i think, that i'm pro-life from the womb to the tomb. i support pro-life legislation, and i oppose legislation that does not promote a culture of life and maintains the dignity of all humanity.

often times though, i think my fellow pro-lifers put out some pretty discordant publicity that i think at times hurts our cause and our ability to win new supporters, sometimes alienating folks who are undecided or on the fence, whether it involves horrific imagery and burdensome guilt (there's a place for that...just not all the time...).

however, this commercial is actually pretty smart and matter-of-fact, and even inspiring.



this story touches a lot of women, including myself. less than 5% of all abortions involve health of the mother or the child, rape, incest, and other more sympathetic reasons for abortion, per the Guttmacher Institute. that leaves 95%+ where the cause is usually the parents' perceived ability to raise the child (professional ambitions, struggling financially, unstable home, unsupportive society/community/family, etcetera). it shows just how heroic it is for a parent, who knows the burden that society will place on her shoulders, to carry her child to term, to raise and love the child, or even to give the child a better chance to be raised by another loving family.

i had a buddy in college - back when i was more narrowly conservative, i suppose - who had just started law school after stellar undergrad years majoring in English & Literature. he was as far left liberal democrat as you can get, and this was why: he grew up in a single parent home, and was raised on welfare, food stamps, and medicaid for many of those years. his overworked and underemployed mother was able to persevere because of socially liberal laws and policies that made it possible for him to thrive, excel in school, go to college, and ultimately law school. he owed all of his accomplishments to his mother, but he was very well aware that public assistance from a socially liberal agenda saved his family.

the point is that social conservatives and, consequently the pro-life agenda we often passionately promote, can be interpreted as anti-family. so-called pro-lifers - i include myself - do not do a good job of tying together all the important dimensions of what it means to be pro-life and pro-family. it also doesn't help that those of us who do work to tie these factors together to create a consistent pro-life/pro-family agenda, are accused of being compromisers by our own colleagues.

what does it mean to be pro-life & pro-family?

- supporting life of the child and mother from conception to birth, including ensuring that healthcare needs and medical costs are secured;
- ensuring that the parent(s) and child receive the material, educational, healthcare, financial help they need so that the child can thrive in school and society from pre-school, through grade school, high school, and, as appropriate, college, vocational or professional school.

you might ask...

what about banning abortions? - i do firmly believe that if our society was more supportive of families and potential families, not just before a child is born, but through 18 years of age (and beyond in special cases), there would be less abortion. while i support legislation that restricts abortion, i am not so naive to believe that this will stop abortion, nor will it improve the lot of families in society, especially families with single parents, financially poor families, and families with special-needs children.

why does this sound like some kind of communist liberal agenda? - frankly, being truly and consistently pro-life is not a "conservative" concept, and transcends party-lines and allegiances.

so, my daily challenge is how can i promote the oft' nebulous concept of "culture of life", and practically-speaking be consistently pro-life and pro-family.


model of single Catholic motherhood Dorothy Day with her daughter Tamar

25 random things about me

Rules: If you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose some people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

(in no particular order...)

1) my great pyrenees dog is named Raphe, after the archangel Raphael, patron saint of travelers, young people, blindness, healing and healers.

2) i've run 9 full 26.2 mile marathons from 2001 - 2007 (5 marine corps in DC, 1 flying pig in Cinci, 1 derby, 1 Indianapolis, 1 Toronto, ON, Canada). don't ask where 2008 went. i've run 4 13.1 mile mini-marathons (3 derby, 1 buffalo, ny)

3) before Raphe i've owned a Spitz dog (Djbril), 3 cats (Piper, Glock, Galil), a ferret (Abigail), a mouse (Fred - this was way before my friend Fred, i might add) and numerous fish.

4) i have 10 godchildren (aka "inaanak").

5) i'm an introvert who loves people.

6) i like hanging out with kids, because they remind me how to be open-hearted and honest, and how to really laugh like i mean it.

7) my somali girls inspired me to wear scarves and long skirts - so elegant!

8) i was smart, but lazy, in my undergrad years at the university of kentucky, and my gpa reflected that; i'm thankful for professors who believed in the former in me.

9) i made up for lousy undergrad academics by getting a 4.0 in graduate school at spalding university (also many thanks due to professors who believed in me).

10) i was 3rd place in kayaking in the 2000 bluegrass state games, and 2nd place in canoeing.

11) i started piano lessons at 6, and i'm good enough to keep me happy. :)

12) i hate traffic. i can tolerate most inharmonious environs, but stick me in bumper to bumper traffic, and i want to pull out all my hair.

13) my comfort foods are white castle sliders and halo-halo.

14) my worst nightmares usually involve death in some shape or form, but not my own.

15) when i first meet people they have 100% of my trust and admiration; but when you lose it, it's hard to gain back. not to mention, i'm really naive, so you really have to be a real jerk to lose it...and people do.

16) i can make and repair rosaries (wire & beads, not string).

17) i'm afraid of the dark and things that go bump in the night...which happens pretty regularly in my ol' house.

18) i love music and books, but, those are the two groups of items that i have not yet unpacked since i've moved.

19) my comfort music: 80's new wave. however, to keep me healthy, i listen to that about as often as i consume white castle sliders (see #13).

20) i was once a regular cyclist, until my bike was run over by a bus in lexington; at the last half second before the collision, i jumped off my bike and rolled in the grass, and watched my bike get crushed. coincidentally this occurred in front of the brain & spine clinic and central baptist hospital.

21) i have about a half-dozen years in tae kwon do and shao-lin do kung fu. i never made black in either, but advanced and tested well. i quit tkd because of time. i quit kung fu because i was turning into a pacifist.

22) i was mugged at gunpoint once. years of martial arts did nothing to help me there. i was in shock at the time, but now i can be amused in retrospect - i think i threw the gunman off guard by having a conversation with him.

23) i went into social work to concentrate on labor issues, but then it transformed to immigration advocacy.

24) i took a class in college in running because i knew i would never start unless i got a grade in it. i think i still got a B in it - how sad is that?

25) i think candlelight is the prettiest kind of light...well, right up there with sun-, moon-, & starlight.

the fog is clearing

2008 resolutions: how'd you do?

bio: i will break my personal record this year at the midnight sun marathon. i will lower and stabilize my blood pressure.

i did not run the midnight sun, which was unfortunate because i was really looking forward to it. in fact, i didn't run *any* marathons this year - the first time in 7 years. i'll just try to think of 2008 as a year of recuperation for my plantar fasciitis in 2007. however lowering my blood pressure to normal was a huge accomplishment. (checking blood pressure now)...119/79 - stabilized.

psycho: i will get accredited by the bia. i will clean, organize and consistently maintain order in my home.

yes, i got my accreditation. as far as maintaining order in the house...does buying my first house count? i did a lot of shedding away of old things in the process. it's amazing how much crap a person can accumulate after only 4 years in the same place.

social: i will break out of my shell and make contact at least once a week.

i'd give my self a B- here...and that's grading on a curve because this year had some extra difficult challenges...but in the end...well, i'll talk about it later.

spiritual: i will commit to a dedicated 10 minutes/day for spiritual maintenance.

i still need to work on this.

resolutions for 2009

bio: i was get back on track with training and run at least one marathon any marathon.

psycho: i will be active in a local sci-fi/fantasy book club i recently joined that meets monthly.

social: i will open my home more frequently to friends and loved ones for dinners and other special occasions.

spiritual: i will participate more frequently in prayer, both communally and individually in my local church.

overall, in 2008, i happily ended up well in the black of good things in my life. i cannot be more thankful for year as it wound down, and more glad in anticipation for the year to come.

btw, anne, what's new with you?

tobit 3:17